Why I Don’t Go to Reunions

I’m 23 and yes, I’m still a student. I’ve always been a student. And I probably always will be. And one of the perks of having been a student is the reunions. I had decided to go to an alumni reunion for my undergraduate institution. There was going to be an open bar at this tiny dark pub/cave called Rose and Crown and they have great sour beer. Plus, after the whole panty fiasco the other day I thought a free beer might be exactly what I needed.

Now there are two main problems that arise from attending such a gig as a “reunion.” The first is that there is always a chance your dick ex-boyfriend from college might show up and since you’re drinking, you’ll probably have to punch him in the face. The second, is that most people like to recognize all their old friends and catch up. I can’t recognize people though due to a weird problem I have with facial recognition. I actually don’t know how to distinguish people’s faces. I usually recognize people based on their hair or attire, but if one of these things changes then all is lost in my mind. You are now a new person to me.

Take for example the first time I met Chris’s (my boyfriend) housemate Josh. Well there were many first times. Josh answered the door for me and introduced himself like a normal civilized human being. Josh was tall, had dark hair and wore a black t-shirt and jeans. No problem. About 20 minutes later his other housemate came out of his room dressed in workout gear wearing a black bandana. He didn’t introduce himself right away and since it was my first time at Chris’s house and I didn’t want to be rude I took the initiative. Although when I tried to shake his hand he just stared and said, “really? I just met you like 30 minutes ago.”

Well that went well.

However, in my head at the time I believed that going to a reunion would be totally different. Surely I would know and recognize people I had gone to school with for four years when my entire class was only 130 or so people.

So I walked in and immediately saw someone I knew. Yes, this person is familiar I thought, but I just can’t seem to remember her name. It was my friend Olivia’s friend from Scripps, the all-girls school. I had hung out there a lot in college pretending I was one of them. So I began the conversation and was super friendly- making small inside jokes here and there of which she laughed and smiled. Everything was going so well! Then I decided to name drop. Bad decision.

“So have you talked to Sean (one of the other girls in our group at Scripps) lately?”

“Sean Compalagos?” She replied.

“No no Sean. You know tall, brown hair.”

“I don’t know anyone like that. Did she go to Pitzer?”

Oh fuck. I had done it again. This was not Olivia’s friend. This was Stephanie (name changed). A girl that has gone to my school, who was in my grade and one of those 130 or so people. Stephanie wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. She was kinda insecure and boring- a bad combination. It turned out that it wasn’t even an open bar. The bar was expensive and cash only. I decided it was time I left.

The good thing is that I was super friendly to someone who I never had an interesting conversation with all 4 years of college. Maybe I need to use that strategy more often…pretend you know random people really well and then let the conversation flow.

Note: None of these pictures were taken by me

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